Procrastination and Perfectionism

So first of all, this blog post could probably be improved just by telling you to go here to read this other article that sums up my situation fairly accurately.

But to sum it all up, the basic point is this: Procrastinators put things off not because they're lazy, but because they feel the need to do things perfectly. And when they aren't able to do things perfectly, or fear failure, they wind up putting off that thing they're supposed to do, until they literally can't put it off any longer.

I'm using the word 'they,' but let's be honest. You all know that I am a major perpetrator of this.

Whenever I have the most work to do, I always wind up getting sucked back into other interests. The thought of agonizing over papers and projects is instantly repulsive. I get things done eventually, and I'd like to think I get them done well, but I never get them done early.

This past week I have:

•  Organized the mega-list of manga that I'm reading by genre
• Organized my playlists of Japanese music on Spotify by mood
• Continued introducing a wingmate to anime a la Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood (which she is now obsessed with--we've received noise warnings on several occasions).
• Spontaneously done my laundry mostly to put off hanging posters for my job as a Teacher's Assistant
• Gone to a battle-of-the-bands type thing on campus
• Gone to a dance show thing on campus
• Gone to get ice cream with friends on campus
• Done a vast amount of other random crap to avoid what I should really be doing, namely homework and writing and preparing for my trip to Greece in the summer

Obviously manga and anime are major culprits, but not the sole distraction at my disposal. I have been using workouts to avoid homework. EXERCISE. This doesn't happen. I put off inter-library loaning books for weeks when it would have taken approximately two seconds to do.

I'm still doing better than I was last semester. But procrastination is a major bad habit of mine. And in a lot of ways I've been finding it necessary (though totally unwise) for a lot of the reasons given in that article I linked to at the start of this post.

If I feel super-stressed and panicked and busy working all the time, I don't work as well. Allowing myself fun-time keeps me relaxed...up until that moment where I finally have to buckle down and get stuff done.

The main way I've tried counteracting this habit lately is just by trying to put things off by doing other productive things (doing laundry or working out, for example). But that's not always effective.

This site that turns good habits into an rpg game has been more helpful than you might think (and just as nerdy) but I still find myself being lax at times, letting myself off for something or fudging how well I really got a task done. Still, I'd recommend it.

I guess for now, I'll just be content that I managed to blog two weeks in a row.

If you've got procrastination tips, heap them upon me. Please.

It's Hard to Be Happy

In my last blog post, back in January, I summed up how the fall semester had gone by saying that I let things slip. I felt behind. I wasn't making as much progress as I wanted to.

Three months later, I'm doing better.

More obligations = more motivation, and I've been keeping busy with assorted lit courses, preparations for my trip to Greece this summer, and working as copy-editor on our campus literary journal. I've been working out regularly, writing something [almost] every day, remembering to call my family more, and just in general I have been more on top of things.

This culminated in a night about a week ago where I felt cautiously optimistic about myself as an individual, about my prospects as a writer, and about life in general. "I'm not perfect, but I'm doing ok."

Of course, I was tackled the following day with anxiety about all my insecurities, particularly worries about the future, my career, etc.

I started my workout planning to think about my WIP, and instead my brain hit me with all those stupid questions: "Why don't you have a polished manuscript yet? What the heck are you going to do for a living? What are you freaking doing with your life?"

Suddenly, reminders of those worries started popping up everywhere--in the books I read for class, in an essay I needed to copy-edit, in Tumblr posts that crop up, everywhere.

I still feel like I'm currently in a better state than last semester, but that doesn't eliminate the absolute suckishness of having doubts about the future, and my self-worth, and everything else.

Trying to hang onto the positives. Stay optimistic. But it can be so hard to be happy sometimes.

Time for the most cliched resolution ever

I'm not even going to pretend that I will be updating this blog regularly again.

Perhaps I will be able to trick myself into posting occasionally.

As always, January has brought on a surge of motivation and the best of intentions, which means that I have resolved to tackle the challenge common among writers, to WRITE EVERY DAY except for one slacker-day, as recommended by my lovely critique partner.

Here are some things I've been doin':

• I have not written much each day since this resolution began, but I have begun rewriting a novel. It involves paper magic and trees in a desert and is generally lots of fun to work on.

• I stumbled onto a LOVELY digital whiteboard site, realtimeboard.com, and ran amok with sticky-notes and story plans and uploading my character art... and then a database error erased the board I'd made for Paper-Mage rewrite. Which was distressing. So, try it! Love it! But maybe use at your own risk?

• Tomorrow I journey through some polar vortex thing back to college. Classes start again Wednesday, and will be studying things like Shakespeare and Medieval Literature and Greece (where I will BE for a brief period this summer).

• I am currently puzzling out an author bio to put on a site where I won a writing contest this summer, looking at examples and feeling inferior and severely unclever...

• Got around to reading over break. Loved Victoria Schwab's Vicious. Last night I finished reading Girl of Fire and Thorns, which I liked for the most part, though my favorite characters did not appear nearly enough for my tastes.

• Let's not talk about how much anime I watched over break.

I feel like I've let a lot of things slip during the past semester. My course load wasn't so heavy, but because I did not have much to do, it was very hard to make myself do anything.

Not only did I not blog, but I didn't write nearly as much as I'd hoped to. I don't feel as connected with the writing community as I have in the past. I think I wrote some fairly good short stories for creative writing classes, but as far as my novels go, I'm not sure I've progressed much.

*sigh*

That's all for now. So long...

Excuses (I have none)

So the last time I blogged was on the 12th.

But I must have a good reason for that, right? Because I said I was going to be better about updating this blog regularly.

The truth is I've been working on my Camp NaNo novel--

Ooooooh...

I mean, we've been camping, so you know, we've been away from the internet, wrapped up in the great outdoors--

Normal campers: *sigh* So great to have a break from internet. Pansy-campers (like us): Man, campground's wifi kind of sucks. :(
— Allison Mulder (@silent_pages) July 19, 2013

--I mean, you know, mostly wrapped up in the great outdoors. Having some family time, boating, playing board games, having movie nights. You know.

But I mean, the fact that in the past four days or so we have watched Man On a Ledge, Jack the Giant Slayer, all three Matrix movies, Oz, and Despicable Me 2...

That can't have anything to do with it.

I've been busy reading!  Dream Thieves! Of course!

Oh my gosh. DARE I tell myself "No more Dream Thieves until you catch up on NaNo novel"? O_O I think I do. CRAP. T_T
— Allison Mulder (@silent_pages) July 15, 2013

Oh.
Um.
Um.

Maybe it's because Maureen Johnson posted a link to this?

Guys, I may have no good excuse for why failed to blog for a while.

All I can really say is that I've been in one of those moods where all I want to do is write, and revise, and get things done...

...but then I just don't.

And I hate it. And it's something I've got to work on...

Which is why I'm going to go write now, and blog better...

Later. 

I'd ask what time-wasters you find yourself slipping into, but I obviously don't need any more time-wasters.

So maybe what I should ask is...how do you get out of those time-wasters?

Tales From ALA, Part 3: Looking for Lunch

This is the story of how KT and I sought out lunch at ALA.

Just went for a stroll, looking for lunch...turned out to be a longer stroll than anticipated.
— Allison Mulder (@silent_pages) June 29, 2013

We figured everything at the food court was going to be crazy expensive, and the lines were crazy long, so we thought it wouldn’t be too crazy to go find food somewhere else in Chicago. After all, this was Chicago. A bustling city. There was bound to be a restaurant or two in the blocks nearest the conference center.

So we started walking. And as we got farther and farther from the parking garage, I finally realized that KT meant for us to walk to a restaurant.

Out loud, I said, “Yeah, makes sense.”

Internally, I started remembering every horror story I had ever heard about girls walking alone in a city.

Understand, I have never been anywhere. I’ve grown up in a series of rural small towns, which I still manage to get lost in because I have the directional ability of a flip-flop.

I figured we were gonna be fine. But I was still a little nervous. Not to mention my tote bag of books was already killing my shoulder.

So we walked. And found nothing. And saw almost no one other than a few conference-goers and a jogger or two. This surprised me.

Later, recounting the story at home, my Dad said the streets were probably empty because everyone else knew enough to stay off of them.

KT checked her phone. “I think there’s a Papa John’s this way.”

Five minutes later. “Oh. I lied. It was in the other direction.”

We kept walking. Decided to go back to the food court after all. Made it to the nearest door back into the conference center…

…and it was locked.

So we continued on around the building, looking for a way in. We wound up near the interstate, walking in a semi-enclosed area, past chugging shuttle buses, back into the parking garage itself.

Cue every horror story I’d ever heard about the awful things that happen in parking garages.

Eventually, we made it to KT’s car, dropped off the books and swag we’d accumulated so far, then found our way back to the conference area.

And the food court, where we paid about $8.50 each for some sandwiches. The food wasn’t bad. And after our prolonged stroll around the conference center, the lines didn’t seem so long after all.

That was probably the low point of the day. And even this low point is pretty amusing in retrospect.


This is the last ALA Tale I have planned. If you were wondering, I am half-way through Dream 
Thieves and going ever-slower in an attempt to put off the end.

If you've got a story about getting lost, I'd love to hear it.

Tales From ALA, Part 2: Book-people Bliss

Again. Before ALA, I had been to one author signing. Gordon Korman. I was nine.

So you can imagine my excitement shortly after acquiring my beloved Dream Thieves ARC, as KT and I got in line for our first author meet. Namely, Holly Black, who was super cool.

We chatted with the writer-librarians next to us in line. They attempted to bring us into the fold, pointing out the benefits librarianeering had for writers, as well as the fact that conferences like ALA were tax-deductible.

We met Marie Lu, and I’d just read and loved Legend two days ago, so it was AWESOME.

We met Alexandria Bracken, and Brian Szelnick. We got free Looking Glass Wars graphic novels signed by Frank Beddor, who I didn’t even know was gonna be there. We happened past a booth giving out free copies of Sure Signs of Crazy, by Karen Harrington, who was signing and seemed quite nice.

In another line, I met some ALA veterans who verified my belief that “No one comes to Iowa on purpose.”

THEN WE MET FREAKING TAMORA PIERCE, WHO WROTE SOME OF THE FIRST FANTASY I EVER READ. This epic woman signed for three hours straight at three different booths, with massive lines at each. It was worth the wait. I think she genuinely talked to us more than any other author we met.

And when KT mentioned she was a writer, she BESTOWED WISDOM UPON US.

"Being too stupid to give up is a good asset for a writer." -- Tamora Pierce, WHEN ME AND @_KTSIMPSON JUST MET HER. *swoons*
— Allison Mulder (@silent_pages) June 29, 2013

She wrote “Be legendary” in my copy of Bloodhound.

We stumbled away, awestruck.

I was in bliss.

We bought several books, and acquired many ARCS. Though I’d heard about some shoving and rudeness at other conferences, that wasn’t my experience at ALA. Everyone seemed polite, professional. Some ARCS went fast, but I saw no shoving. That said, I didn’t see everything, and we stayed mostly to one section.

For all I know, I missed a bone-breaking mob over nonfiction titles on the other side of the conference hall.

We walked around basically from nine to five. We took breaks to restack our tote bags and sip water. We listened to impressively-accented readings near the graphic novel sections.

ALA was everything I’d hoped it would be, and everything was happy and nothing hurt, except for my arms from carrying my tote bag.

And the best part?

Dreaming of the day when we’re the ones giving signings, handing out books, and hopefully making some nerdy teenager’s day. 

Been to a bookish event? Know of any near Iowa? Please tell me of any near Iowa. Ahem. If you’ve never been to a conference or a signing, what or who is number one on your Someday list?

Tales From ALA, Part 1: Much Flailing

Several factors went into my decision to start a new blog. Some of these factors had to do with ALA, the American Library Association conference that took place in Chicago last weekend.

You see, friends, I went to this conference. For one day, exhibition hall only.

Before ALA, I had been to one author signing, and that was Gordon Kormon. I was like nine.

Opportunities like this do not come near Iowa often. I was talking with some ALA-goers in line, and they vehemently agreed, saying “No one ever goes to Iowa on purpose.” Which was true.

And now, not only was I going to my first big bookish event, but I was going with a Twitter friend I’d never met in real life, @_ktsimpson, who lived four and a half hours away. I drove four and a half hours to KT’s dwelling. Since I hate, hate, hate driving and get lost absurdly easily, this was big.

When I met KT for lunch, there was some of the expected awkwardness that ensues when nerds gather together. But we overcame it fairly quickly, and proceeded to have one of the best weekends I’ve ever had. We watched anime! We tweeted each other while sitting in the same room! I dramatically read aloud from random blog posts about ALA survival tips and ways to overcome shyness!

And the next day, we drove another three hours to Chicago. We navigated the parking garage and entered the conference center.

There is lots if flailing going on. #ala13 @silent_pages
— KT Simpson (@_ktsimpson) June 29, 2013

We found our way to the Young Adult-y section of the booths…

…and walked around. With no idea what we were doing.

“How does one tell what is free?”

“What does one do?”                                      

“I am so confused, KT.”

And then, magic happened. I spotted a stack of ARCS--Dream Thieves by Maggie Stiefvater. A smiling woman was handing them out.

I grabbed KT’s arm and dragged her to the table, fluttering my hands in reverence at the glorious stack of books. The smiling woman noticed me, and seemed to grasp from the way I was hyperventilating that I would very much like a book please thank you.

And so, I acquired my first ARC, of the book that I was most hoping to get, by one of my favorite authors.

WE FOUND DREAM THIEVES BY @MSTIEFVATER! ALA = OFFICIALLY WORTH IT. pic.twitter.com/4Ns8KuojWB
— Allison Mulder (@silent_pages) June 29, 2013

“This is the last batch, too,” the smiling woman said.

I died, guys. I really died.

Fifteen minutes in, the trip I chose as my only birthday present this year was already worth it.

And there was much more awesome to come.

Looking forward to Dream Thieves? Been to ALA? What was your experience like?